Snape's Thoughts
by Pyra250
Summary: Contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


**Credit: **I don't own any of the characters in this fanfiction. They are property of JK Rowling.

**Author's Note:** One-shot, like usual. I wanted to portray Severus Snape's final thoughts. Reviews are appreciate.

**Contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows**

His heart raced. In the distance the battle raged, but he was no longer a part of it. With every reigning second, conviction poured through his veins. This was a war he couldn't win. No, it was more than that. This was _destiny_

He knew from the start that his fate would be anything but pleasant. It became painfully clearer as time passed. Standing there with his heart pounding in his ears, only one word came to mind: mudblood. He had shouted it with such force, such malice, that still it echoed in his brain. Perhaps if he had held his tongue things would have been different. Perhaps, just perhaps, she would've been his.

"The Eldar Wand cannot serve me properly, Severus, because I am not its true master."

He heard the words, but vaguely. Ever since being called from battle he'd known where it would lead. At first he thought, quite foolishly, that he would fight--fight for his right to live, fight for the boy that could end this all, fight for--Lily.

Severus swallowed his emotions as the figure before him continued, "The Eldar Wand belongs to the wizard who killed its last owner. You killed Albus Dumbledore. While you live, Severus, the Eldar Wand cannot truly be mine."

There was that word again. _Live_. No, he knew he wouldn't fight; he knew he wouldn't live.

His throat tightened, constricting to keep the words in. When they finally squeezed through, his tongue stumbled over them. "My Lord," Severus forced out in false protest. He raised his wand, but he knew he'd never use it. Lily was dead; he'd gotten the boy here safely, but the rest was up to Harry. What else did he have to live for? Nothing. More importantly, what did he have to die for? Everything.

"It cannot be any other way."

The words told of a foreign concept, and yet Severus silently agreed despite himself.

"I must master the wand, Severus," Voldemort rambled on, completely unaware that he only _technically_ had an audience. Physically, Snape was present, but mentally--mentally he was back in Godric's Hollow with Lily. "You're--you're a witch," he could hear his former self stutter, so young and naive. So terrified to be there, and yet so scared to leave. And then Lily, always so quick to defend her dignity: "_That's_ not a very nice thing to say to somebody!" No, no it wasn't very nice. He told her and look where she ended up.

"Master the wand and I master Potter at last," Voldemort concluded with no remorse about what must be done. Severus dragged himself unmercilessly back from his nostalgia just in time to hear the words that came next. Perhaps it was words, or maybe just one word. He would never be sure; he didn't speak Parseltongue.

He didn't struggle as Nagini had her way with him, or if he did it was simply a reflex. And the pain--what pain? He was untouchable, lost deep within himself. "I thought we were supposed to be friends?" a young Severus asked, vulnerable and slightly hurt, clinging to that last bit of hope. "Best friends?"

"We _are_, Sev," was Lily's sweet response. There was more to the thought, a dangerous 'but' that lingered at the end, but Severus cut it off there. The 'but', for all he was concerned, could just hang there for eternity.

Suddenly, something drew him back. He sensed a presence by his side, which brought him to reality. Out of habit, Severus reached his hand to touch the wound, pulling it back almost surprised to see his own blood on his fingers.

Turning his attention to the visitor, his black eyes fell on Harry. Without hesitation, he reached up and seized his robes, pulling him in closer. This was the boy he'd given his life for. _Lily's_ son.

"Take...it...take...it," Severus managed to choke out. His body was flooded with a slight tingling sensation as he let his memories go. Ah, how good it felt to be able to finally let them go after so long.

"Look...at...me," he ordered as Harry moved to draw his gaze away. Severus's black eyes met Harry's green ones. No, not Harry's--Lily's.

"After all this time?" he heard Dumbledore ask through the vagueness of his failing mind.

"Always," he responded with strong certainess as the green eyes blurred into black and he felt himself slipping. _Always_.


End file.
